I have six months to fit into a size zero, own my dream estate and have perfect children. That probably seems crazy, but I just found out my ten-year High School reunion is one week before Halloween. While I’m excited and all to catch up in person, Facebook has ruined some of the magic of [...]
Entries Tagged as 'Future'
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November 5th, 2009 8 Comments
Isn’t it such a drag to do endless chores for your pet? Don’t you just wish you could be 6 years old again and just fake promise to take care of the animals? Great news! I have discovered a secret that will save you literally minutes a day – freeing up your schedule immeasurably. It’s [...]
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October 26th, 2009 No Comments
Oh, so today I stumbled across a dream job: $10,000 for one month’s work, during Christmas time in Manhattan. The duties? Discussing toilet paper with restroom attendees in Times Square. Sign me up! I love nothing more than discussing minutia. On a whim, I applied with a cover letter that I am pretending is witty [...]
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October 19th, 2009 No Comments
Most people aren’t excited by their vacuums, but having had the world’s worst, cheapest maroon behemoth violently spit kitty litter and dirt back at my feet for several years, when I finally purchased a Dyson – my life actually changed. It was worth the shocking sticker price to vacuum and later walk across wooden floors [...]
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