Our last one was our last. We spent it in Manhattan, eating cupcakes at the High Line park, then dining at a Belgian restaurant that no longer exists. My darling, my baby. Each day compounds the loss and I miss you more. You are the best person to have lived. The bravest. The smartest. The funniest. The sweetest. I wish your life did not expire in such agony and that you were loved more.
At City of Hope, we watched just this part, isolated from the rest of story, over and over, with a knowing that no married pair should know at our age, and we cried as I am crying now. I love you, Phillip Szanto. Our six years together are the best of my life. I will never stop looking for you in the hereafter.
5 Comments
Well, that's nice
great story.. and funny video too
I know I'm very late to read this, but just now stumbled across it. You are such a strong and beautiful person, I ache for your pain, and admire your strength. Thinking of you often!
Dear Kristen,
This morning I started to write a letter of recommendation for a very promising undergraduate for a fellowship. One of the standard questions professors get asked in evaluating students is how they rank in relation to others you have taught (surely a rather arbitrary designation). What immediately came to mind was that I’ve only had one brighter student in what is now a close to decade of teaching undergrads: Phil Szanto. All this time later, he remains the measure against which I evaluate the most promising and engaging students.
You can surely guess how this led me to finding your blog — and I just wanted to express my deep and heart-felt condolences to you and your family on the loss of Phil.
Last time we saw each other was at the Mini bar in North Hollywood in the summer of 2004, celebrating yours and Phil’s graduation from UCI, surrounded by Margaret Keane big eyed sad children paintings. The two of you were a perfect counterpoint to those paintings, so beaming with light and life and promise. I remember being so pleased that two of the brightest and most interesting students at UCI had somehow found each other. I’m glad to know you two got to share the intervening time together.
Sincerely,
James
Kristen, we only knew each other on LJ, and I guess it's mostly my fault that we didn't keep in touch, but I just wanted to give you my condolences. I know you guys had a huge family struggle going on last time I checked in, and I was hoping for a much happier ending for the two of you. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you're doing as well as possible now.